I know they can be a little cringey but affirmations can be powerful tools to help build self esteem.  Done well, they can shift negative self talk, enhance motivation and encourage positive behaviour (and thought pattern) changes.  They can help to shift subconscious patterns replace them with a kinder, more flexible approach which boosts self identity and self esteem.

So what’s an affirmation?

An affirmation is a positive statement, aimed at changing the way we think and feel about ourselves.  By repeating them regularly, we can challenge negative or unhelpful thoughts. But for them to work, we need to find a way to get past the cringe, target them at our own specific needs, and use them in alignment with our own nervous system.

“Don’t speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn’t know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells.”

Bruce Lee

Do they work?

There is evidence that a regular self-affirmation practice can help:

  • build and improve self-esteem, and increase self-confidence and well-being
  • lower stress (and help us perform better when under stress)
  • implement positive behaviour changes
  • challenge and replace negative and anxious thinking
  • with perseverance through difficult times
  • create new positive neural pathways in the brain

Together these things can help us to have a stronger, more flexible sense of identity which, makes us more resilient to difficulties when they arise.

“Am I good enough? Yes, I am.”

Michelle Obama

How do I build an affirmation practice?

1. Choose your affirmation(s) – targeted, short, real
The reason

Create an affirmation aimed specifically at what you’re trying to achieve.  Think about what you want – perhaps it’s reassurance, motivation or a confidence boost.  Target those areas where your self esteem feels wobbly.

And notice the negative affirmations you’re using and look for ways to replace them with a positive alternative.  You might find yourself saying “I’m useless” whenever you make a slip, which could instead become “I can learn from this”.

The style

Keep your affirmations short – no more than 1 or 2 sentences, perhaps no more than 10 words. Choose something that’s easy to repeat.

The truth

And keep it real – use a voice that feels true to you. And it needs to be something you believe is true on some level, even if sometimes you resist, or the negative voice crops up to challenge it (if that’s the case – acknowledge it, soothe it, dial down its volume).

Trust me, it will get easier to believe and absorb as you use the affirmation more, but it does need to resonate at least a little to begin with.

And super important one here – make sure the phrasing is compassionate.  I’ve known a few people lately who’ve shaped affirmations that sound like a harsh teacher.  That doesn’t work as it just activates the stress response which will then push your more into your old automated responses – think supportive not strict.

2. Choose your routine

Get in touch with your affirmations every day, perhaps by reading, hearing or speaking them (you can say them out loud or in your head).  Remember, repetition is the key.

Consider when and where you want the boost – a morning routine can help start the day positively, or a night time pattern can help your system relax. Some of useful to unleash at a specific moment, i.e. just before doing something you’re finding tricky (though do this in addition to using the same affirmation in your everyday routine, rather than just expecting it work when only used under pressure).

3. Make them obvious

The purpose of the repetition and routine is to lock the affirmations (and the beliefs behind them) into your brain – they literally help to reprogram the current (often negative ) autopilot responses.

So find ways that support you to keep to the routine, even when your non conscious brain is trying to make you avoid it (which it will if it feels under threat).  So it’s useful to make them really obvious – perhaps as a note on your phone/computer home screen, post-it notes and cheery postcards around your work space, an inspiring photo with the phrase next to your bed.  You want to let them seep into you, even when you’re not reciting them – and to give you a gentle reminder of that you’re trying to do this.

4. Align with your body and mind

On this note, if you’re using an affirmation like “I am calm and capable” but your body is in an activated state of stress, even slightly, then those words which just bounce right off.  If you’re dysregulated system is perceiving danger and creating a state of fight, flight, freeze or shut down then it truly things there is a threat to life and therefore no time to pause, absorb or think in new ways.

So we need to use tools to soothe the system to let the affirmations sink in.  Again, I find the visual reminder can help remind us that we’re trying to do this:

  • see the visual reminder of the affirmation which reminds us of what we’re trying to do
  • bring awareness to where our body is in terms of stress (look for physical, mental and emotional clues like shallow breathing, slightly raised heartbeat, scattered thinking, a sense that there isn’t enough time, a feeling of hopelessness, a dull headache etc.)

  • use small and simple tools to regulate the nervous system (come and work with me for more help on this or find some starting tips here)

  • now repeat your affirmations and let them really sink in

“Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.”

Maya Angelou

If you’re struggling with your self esteem, a lack of confidence and a vicious inner critic – it doesn’t have to be this way.  And just imagine what you could achieve if you were working with, rather than against yourself!

Come and have a chat.  You can ask any questions you might have, try a little coaching and we can check  if we’d work well together – to get you to where you long to be.